Review of Miss Congeniality

Introduction

Okay, it’s time for another one joke movie, the joke here being that Sandra Bullock’s unpolished FBI agent is anything but congenial, so, she’s hardly the obvious choice for a harebrained sting operation to catch a ruthless terrorist (The Citizen) at the Miss United States beauty pageant. The trouble is, with her gutter-mouth, bad diet and sloppy mannerisms, her chances of getting far enough into the competition to infiltrate the contest are almost non-existent.

Enter Michael Caine as a pageant specialist (gay, of course) who’s hired to scrub up the mucky agent before the Citizen can strike again. And, low and behold, beneath the soggy chrysalis there’s a butterfly waiting to burst out, and burst out she does, taking the pageant by storm with her unconventional approach. Essentially, this is a veiled vanity trip for the film’s star and producer Bullock, whose presence obviously dominates the film, so your enjoyment (or lack thereof) will depend largely on how much Bullock you can stomach.

Video

As you would probably expect, the video quality is free of any obvious flaws. Laszlo Kovacs photography is usually dazzling and always easy on the eye, but he seems to have phoned this one in, as it has none of the flair of ‘Paper Moon’ or ‘Easy Rider’. That said, the technical quality of the transfer is hard to fault.

Audio

As a comedy, there’s not much use of the rear channels in the 5.1 surround track, save some music and passive atmospherics. However, like the video, it’s hard to fault.

Features

Two commentaries, both annoying. On track one, Bullock and co-writer/executive producer Mark Lawrence in-joke the 90 minutes away in a most unattractively self-congratulatory way. The second commentary with director Donald Petrie is more informative, but his voice is monotonous and he’s prone to leaving huge pauses between comments. Aside from this we have the amusing trailer (which, unsurprisingly, packs all the best jokes into 2 minutes), two short documentaries which are followed by deleted scenes (quite why these scenes are not included in a separate section is unexplained.) A good effort, but the presentation is a bit slack.

Conclusion

This is not a very satisfying film. Caine is good in a tasteful and sympathetic performance as jaded contest guru Victor Melling, and there are at least half a dozen good one liners. But there are a fair few things to resent about ‘Miss Congeniality’, not least its star Bullock, whose diverse selection of cooky Goldie-Hawn-isms consist solely in snorting, stumbling, sarcastic petulance and that by now obligatory sobbing Bullock-monologue in the conclusion. She’s not helped by a ridiculously predicable plot, that sees fit to signpost every one of its ‘twists’ about an act in advance, leading to a pointless but pre-destined romantic denouement. It’s befitting of this film that Bullock’s spunky, aggressive exterior is proven to be mere façade, ultimately unable to conceal her soft, marshmallowy interior as she falls for beefcake colleague Benjamin Bratt. Bullock’s initial representation of masculinized femininity ends up mocking its feminist pretence by her all-too-willing embrace of the ever-present female stereotypes of mawkishness and sentimentality.

Let’s not kid ourselves though, this frothy fantasy isn’t about feminism at all, but about Bullock’s seemingly depthless cosmetic vanity: uglied up as gristle-cop in the opening, with bad skin, over-flowing hair and bad dress-sense, she’s the epitome of the movie ugly slob. Only, of course, to be quickly turned into a dazzling beauty, so her entire cast can mourn her former ugliness and deliver endless praise about how gorgeous she is now, after becoming suitably cosmo-conscious and giving the Beautiful Bullock a chance to shine. Yep, it turns out she brushes up rather well for a pizza-chomping hardass

Despite this, if you’re a fan of this kind of fair (disregarding for a moment the slim chance that you’re still reading this review) I’m sure you’ll enjoy this one. After all, it’s a Bullock rom-com all the way, with all that implies: an inoffensive, cliché-ridden romp that certainly won’t cause you to lose faith in the cinematic landscape or indeed all humanity... just please never ask me to watch it ever again.