Review of I Was a Zombie for the F.B.I.

Introduction

I just can`t make up my mind about this one.

I really don`t like movies that are parodies of genres that have become parodies of them selves, if you know what I mean. No?

I guess what I mean is that there are hundreds of perfectly good (read bad) b-movies and drive-in schlock horrors out there without making another that`s a deliberate post-modern take on the same. Especially when the results are neither funny nor trashy enough for it to work.

But now I feel bad because `I was a Zombie from the FBI` was originally an amateur student movie, filmed on three-quarter inch Lo-band U-Matic video in 1982. NTSC at that. (Ouch!) I say originally because this has had a little money spent on it recently to give it a makeover.

That means it`s been put back into an Avid, graded, re-cut (down by 20 minutes or so) with some new material added, and a god-awful contemporary sounding keyboard score added to make it all seem a bit more professional. It`s also had a 5.1 makeover which generally amounts to spot fx being added to the rear whilst original dialogue stays where it always was - in the centre.

Even the recently added captions betray a corporate video sensibility completely at odds with the movie`s original fun intent, using a modern font in italics. Someone in the makeover team has just completely missed the plot. Or maybe it`s Director Martin Penczner`s fault. After years making political campaign movies (that`s propaganda to you and me), as well as tens of music videos for middle-of-the-road artistes, he lost sight of his original vision and couldn`t see passed the technical failings of his first movie outing.

Originally put together by a team of wannabe filmmakers at Memphis University, begging stealing and borrowing favours from actors and other crew, it is, judged on those terms, quite remarkable. It`s definitely an A-grade project and then some. It`s just that in the grand scheme of things it has to compete (perhaps cruelly) with a vast range of alternatives that are frankly so much better.

So who would buy it? Well, I guess anyone interested in producing films on the cheap could learn plenty. It contains some good featurettes that go some way to explaining how they achieved what they achieved, bringing new meaning to phrases like `labour of love` and `necessity is the mother of all invention`.

So what`s the film about? Well, stylistically, it tries to recreate the low-budget b-movie detective/sci-fi b-movie from the late 40`s early 50`s. It does this by pulling the video to a monochrome and then using an irritating blur effect that may bring all the footage down to the same lowest common denominator (so nothing stands out) but which just doesn`t work. It still looks curiously like lo-band video for those with an eye for such things.

It also uses deadpan dialogue and delivery that is rather more in keeping with the genre, as well as costumes, hair and make-up that really evoke the period. Sadly, on this edition it`s all for nought as the inane keyboard soundtrack keeps reminding you that you`re not watching the real thing. But then that`s professional help for you! (There`s a scene on the featurette where the guy responsible for the score shows a scene with and without music to show how effective it is. He`s very sadly deluded in my opinion.)

There are six-parts (like a serial) to `Zombie` where FBI agents Rex Armstrong and Ace Evans cross swords with the arch-criminal Brazzo brothers. But the Brazzo brothers have formed an alliance with some evil aliens who `rescued them` from a trip to prison by forcing the plane that was carrying them to the ground in a place called `Pleasantville`.

The aliens are out to zombie-fy the nation by infiltrating the Uni-Cola factory and making a discreet addition to the ingredients (the presumption being that the whole nation drinks Uni-Cola) .

Starting with the population of Pleasantville, they succeed in turning citizens into helpers with the use of their hypnotic `Zomball`, and there`s always the ferocious zombie-beast (think Tony Hart`s morph) `Zbeast` to contend with for those that get in the way.

But Ace and Rex, along with sexy reporter Penny, are set to save the day.

If you`re a bit impatient (like me) you`ll end up wishing that they`d hurry up and get on with it.

Video

This was originally shot (as said) on Lo-Band U-matic video in 1982. The colour has been drained out of it and a blur effect added to make it look as low-grade filmic as possible. It really doesn`t quite work I`m afraid. It`s just an irritatingly muddy look, and the blur gets really irritating.

The movie-make over features look fine though, using standard DV-Cam.

Audio

There`s a 5.1 soundtrack on offer here - and the engineer has thoroughly enjoyed himself adding spot fx to the rears. But he also added a film score using some very cheesy contemporary keyboard sounds that destroy any possibility of this looking or feeling like the real deal.

Features

This is where the disc really does come into its own. Maybe it`s because the project was born out of a University background that so much effort has been made to take the viewer through the processes involved, a little bit like a movie-making course.

There`s a reasonable `making of` featurette that shows make-up being applied, along with cheap effects being prepared (bullet squibs and the like), really capturing the enormous effort that went into the original picture, despite the `no budget` circumstance.

There`s also a brief `frame by frame` feature showing how the Zbeast was brought to life. It`s a little bendy plasticine figure, and the effects have been created using stop-frame animation. The results manage to make the skeletons in `Sinbad` look like sophisticated CGI. In short - comical. But that works fine for this feature.

`Bringing the sounds of Zombie to life` is an interesting insight into how scores and Foley fx are added to soundtracks. Unfortunately the composer isn`t that great and seems to have missed the point of picture completely. The buffoon.

There are 4 deleted scenes that really should have stayed that way.

Finally there`s an informative yak-track from Director Martin Penczner.

Conclusion

Make no mistake. I`m the kind of guy who`s likely to love any movie called `I Was a Zombie for the FBI`, particularly if it was a genuine drive-in schlock-filled b-movie. Sadly though it isn`t.
It`s actually a rather strange movie that doesn`t quite know what it wants to be. It`s not funny or clever enough to be satire, yet it falls far short of delivering on any other count too.

But this is harsh talk. After all, this film was an amateur student project filmed on Lo-band video back in 1982, and judged on those terms it`s actually a splendid effort.

Unfortunately, recognising the mercenary cruelty of the DVD buying public, there`s been a half-baked attempt to give it a commercial makeover which includes the most unsuitable music score I`ve ever heard (modern keyboard sounds on this period wannabe). The makeover just doesn`t work.

Please don`t buy this DVD on the strength of this film`s merit, humour or entertainment value. There are a million better ways of spending that hard-earned money.

If, on the other hand, you`re a student interested in the process of making such a film, then the features are packed with useful information and it may well prove to be worth the investment. Personally though I`m going to give Romero`s `Night of the Living Dead` a spin to shake this one out of my system.