Review of Lone Wolf McQuade

Introduction

The title says it all, "Lone Wolf McQuade" McQuade is the kind of hard-bitten ass kicking name that only muscle-bound movie stars can carry of with veracity. Hugh Grant would never play a McQuade, Richard Briers would never be a Rambo, Jimmy Stewart could never have been a McClane but drop the "Mc" and you get Quaid, Arnold Schwarzenegger`s character in Total Recall. McQuade is a man`s man`s name. The Lone Wolf only adds to the mystique, the hunting prowess of the wolf, coupled with the "Lone" nature of a predator that is so lethal, so devastating that it will shun the safety of the pack and bring down prey single-handedly. But taken in its entirety, Lone Wolf McQuade doesn`t say Hollywood megastar. Films that showcase Hollywood`s action finest to their best effect have simple but striking monikers, usually only two words long, and rarely more than two syllables, Die Hard, Raw Deal, Red Heat, Cobra, Speed are film titles that announce the presence of Stallone, Willis, Schwarzenegger or Keanu. The comparative tongue twister that is Lone Wolf McQuade can mean only one man, Chuck Norris.

J.J. McQuade is the Lone Wolf Texas Ranger of the title, hard hitting, high kicking and fast shooting, and he shows the bad guys no mercy. But his superiors don`t appreciate his singular outlook on law enforcement, especially when his arrest of a group of horse thieves results in another high body count. Lone Wolf no longer, he is saddled with a partner, a young rookie cop who happened to be one of the cops he rescued from the horse thieves, and who is also sickeningly grateful. But such trivialities have to be put to one side, as his daughter survives a deadly hijacking that claims the life of her boyfriend and liberates the lethal contents of an army shipment. Incensed, McQuade looks for the mastermind behind this nefarious scheme, and neither his superiors nor the Feds will stop him from dishing out some serious justice.

Video

Lone Wolf McQuade is presented on this bare bones back-catalogue MGM disc in an approximately 1.85:1 anamorphic format. I say approximately, as the picture ratio varies through the movie, starting somewhere around 2:1 with extremely thin black borders, and expanding somewhere around Chapter 9 to a 1.85:1-ish ratio. The image itself isn`t going to win any awards, as it seems to be a quick transfer of the most convenient copy of the film. Dust and dirt flecks are still apparent and grain is evident throughout. There are also some artefacts on the finer detail, a kind of shimmer that affects the credits in particular, but a couple of the scenes as well. It`s the kind of transfer that most back catalogue titles rushed out seem to receive.

Audio

The sound gets similar bare bones treatment, coming in the simple DD 2.0 mono that will give your system a night off from all those surround sound fripperies. English, German, French, Italian and Spanish are all catered for if you are of a multi-lingual bent, and the dialogue is clear throughout, as are all the action sequences. Francesco De Masi provides the music and in keeping with his Italian name, we get some Spaghetti Western styling straight from the get-go. As LW does his best Clint Eastwood from behind the barrel of a sniper`s rifle in the sweltering Texas desert, facing off against umpteen desperadoes, the cheap knock-off of Ennio Morricone`s familiar score does its best to evoke the same feel.

Features

A cheap and cheesy trailer that actually bears little resemblance to the film is joined by a handful of subtitle tracks for the main feature.

Conclusion

It`s astounding what they could do with CGI back in 1983. The hero of this film looks as human as any in Final Fantasy, performs the most hectic and stunning of action sequences without a single glitch, and interacts perfectly with the real environment and the human actors. But the primitive state of 1980`s graphics is made apparent by the failure of the Chuck Norris in expressing any human feeling whatsoever. The face remains the same through the whole movie, and doesn`t hold a candle to the 21st Century`s finest like Gollum or Jar Jar.

Do you get the hint that I`m not a Chuck Norris fan? Charles Bronson had a more expressive face than Norris, who is lacking completely in acting ability. But if Chuck Norris is a bad actor, the supporting cast manage to make him look good. Robert Beltran who is better known as Chakotay in Star Trek Voyager appears as the wet behind the ears kid, Kayo who partners Norris in this tale, and he may be livelier in the role, but he has some moments that made me wince in embarrassment. David Carradine is the bad guy Rawley Wilkes, but his part consists mostly of grinning maliciously flashing some downright frightening dental work. Bad characterisation, badly written dialogue, badly scripted, and badly performed, at least Lone Wolf McQuade is consistent throughout. It`s a load of action set pieces loosely held together by what passes for a plot. This kind of story has been made a thousand times in various forms, and Lone Wolf adds absolutely nothing to the genre.

But something in this film held my attention. My heart started sinking with the opening titles that mocked my fond memories of spaghetti westerns past. But with the opening sequence where McQuade single-handedly takes on an army of horse thieves, I began to chuckle. He`s on top of a bluff overlooking the bad guys armed with his rifle, but the stereotypical Mexican leader, complete with gold teeth, beer gut, tequila in one hand and pistol in the other, challenges him to show himself, McQuade stands up in plain view so that everyone can shoot at him. Not a single bullet touches him, but when he returns fire, he manages to take out 90% of the bad guys in his first volley. Absolutely ridiculous I know, but it reminded me of Rambo taking on a Russian gunship helicopter armed with a bow and arrow. As the film continued and the acting and story got progressively worse, I found myself laughing more and more.

It has been a long while since I`ve seen such a prime example, but this is one of those rare films that are so bad they`re good. McQuade`s friend dies in a hail of bullets, but he hardly raises an eyebrow, but his dog dies and he pounds the ground in grief and anguish. Facial expression still the same, mind, I`ve heard of minimalism but this is ridiculous. It was when the criminal midget mastermind in a wheelchair, complete with villainous laugh showed up that I had to re-evaluate this film. Lone Wolf McQuade may be enjoyable for all the wrong reasons, but the operative word is enjoyable. Just make sure you have plenty of popcorn to throw at the screen in incredulity.