Review of Loch Ness

Introduction

The Loch Ness monster is one of those enduring myths that continues to fascinate those intrigued enough by the thought of an Ice Age mammal surviving for thousands of years in a big lake in Scotland. I can remember lots of blurry photographs appearing now and again in newspapers during my childhood, but it`s not something you see so much nowadays. The BBC even claims to have proved the monster doesn`t exist in a high profile documentary back in 2003, but still the legend endures. And now thanks to MGM, you can relive the movie of the monster of the lake that first hit our screens in 1996.

Ted Danson stars as Doctor Jonathon Dempsey, a monster hunter who made his name by not finding Sasquatch, although he found `his` footprints. With a leaky truck, a pile of bills and a maintenance-seeking ex-wife, Dempsey`s boss (Harris Yulin) sends Dempsey to Loch Ness to replace the unfortunate Dr. Abernathy who died after seeing something on the water. The twist is that Dempsey is being sent to prove the monster does not exist.

Once Dempsey arrives in bonnie Scotland, he shacks up in the local guesthouse much to the reluctance of owner Laura McFetridge (Joely Richardson) but to the delight of her daughter Isabel. Hiring a boat from a local, Dempsey and enthusiastic assistant Adrian Foote (James Frain) survey the lake with a boat full of hi-tech equipment, facing resistance from the Loch Keeper (Ian Holm). Dempsey is tired of being viewed as a joke in the academic world and has been given the chance to debunk the myth as a means of raising his stock. Although initially reluctant to really do anything, he really grabs his chance to prove the monster doesn`t exist when local interference damages some of his equipment.

Video

Picture is clear with no deterioration, but then you`d expect that with a 1996 release. As you would expect with a film located in Scotland, there are some stunning shots of the local scenery.

Audio

The score by Trevor Jones is pleasant enough with a Scottish tinge to it, ending the film with a Rod Stewart track does it no favours though…

Features

You`ve more chance of a glimpse of Nessie than seeing extras here…

Conclusion

I didn`t really have high hopes for this film and it didn`t even really reach them. There is just so much wrong with this film. It`s a Working Title film, so you should have an idea where it`s going to go, and yep it does do just that. This film is less about the Loch Ness monster and more about romance and doing the right thing. As such, the Loch Ness setting is pretty superfluous. Yes, we see the search and yes we see the monster, but that doesn`t matter because it`s more important that Danson gets the girl, amends his mistake with the daughter and keeps the local secret.

Joely Richardson looks nice enough as the local lone mother, but her accent is terrible. It`s a curious hybrid of bad Scottish and Irish, much the same as Natascha McElhone`s accent in Ronin. Danson just plays himself, and the only difference between Dempsey and Sam from Cheers is an extra quotient of intelligence, but otherwise you`d struggle to tell the difference. Mind, you get more than a glimpse of the bald patch that Sam always tried to hide…

For some really odd reason Keith Allen makes an appearance as the Loch Ness looney. He only appears briefly in a couple of scenes but is completely wasted and adds nothing at all to the story. And the less said about Ian Holm and Nick Brimble the better, they`ve played far better roles than seen here.

The sad thing is that this film could have been one of two things; a proper film about Loch Ness and the creature, or a fish out of water film about the incursion into a close-knit Scottish village by a brash American. It tries to do both and fails to achieve either.

So another MGM re-release. Good quality picture, good quality sound, no extras, no fun.

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