Review of Cage Rage 9: No Mercy

Introduction

It was reported quite recently on the news that the inquiry into the death whilst in custody of Zahid Mubarak in Feltham Young Offenders Institution, had uncovered allegations of misconduct on the part of the wardens. Apparently they bet on a game of `Coliseum`, where mismatched offenders were made to share cells, in the certainty that they would be at each other`s throats. On the same day, I received Cage Rage 9 for review, where combatants enter a caged arena to pummel each other for the pleasure of the viewing public. You can imagine that I wasn`t exactly predisposed to this particular DVD, and if you have guessed the direction in which this review is headed then the final marks will come as little surprise.

Cage Rage involves a form of personal combat that combines martial arts, boxing and wrestling. Two opponents face each other in the confines of a caged arena and go at each other for three five-minute rounds. The one judged to have inflicted the most damage on the other wins. Cage Rage 9 comprises nearly two and half hours of this contest, taking place in Wembley Arena and featuring 12 bouts, presented by none other than Richard Blackwood.

Video

The picture is atrocious, and I`m not only referring to the content. Presented in a 4:3 format, the image quality rarely exceeds that of videotape, with a fair amount of pixellation. You could have called it broadcast quality were it not for an annoying flicker throughout the presentation. Judicious use of the pause button revealed alternating frames tinged red and yellow.

Audio

A DD 2.0 track is adequate. There are no subtitles.

Features

There is additional material on this disc totalling 16 minutes, should you want it.

Demos describe the many methods at your disposal to damage your opponent.
Rules effectively instruct you in assaulting your enemy without causing permanent damage.
Weigh In introduces the fighters on this disc, putting them head to head for the cameras.

Conclusion

I usually pride myself on sitting through every disc I review. To do any less would be a disservice. Yet I must admit that I couldn`t bear to watch all of Cage Rage 9. After an hour or so of watching people beat each other to a pulp for the sake of a paying audience I just had to switch off and watch a video nasty to make myself feel better. I thought that this sort of prize fighting had been made illegal, along with cock fighting and dog fights.

Don`t get me wrong, as I`m hardly one to speak out against violence in the media. In recent weeks, I have seen a murder committed with a baseball bat, gang warfare resulting in a bloodbath, someone getting their head blown off with a shotgun, a girl dying of a heroin overdose, a man crashing through a plate glass window, bullets, swordplay, kung fu, fistfights, and all manner of violence in the name of entertainment. The common thread linking all these images in television and cinema is that they were all fake, all playacting for the sake of an audience. Even the Wrestling extravaganza I reviewed a few weeks ago showcased choreographed fights, entertainment for bloodthirsty crowds sure enough, but the next night those same wrestlers would be performing in another city rather than recuperating in a hospital. In summary, I prefer my violence fake thank you very much. When combat is for real, in contact sports like Boxing, Judo or Fencing, they are usually judged in terms of skill, they are sports that are scored on points, not on damage inflicted.

Cage Rage is nothing less than a barbarism that should have remained in the Middle Ages. Two people are placed in a cage in a televised Fight Club, where they proceed to kick seven shades of s*** out of each other. The fight isn`t over until one of the combatants is bleeding profusely. These fights are supposed to last three rounds, but none that I saw made it past the first. There is some lip service paid to civilisation in the form of rules, no biting, no gouging, no head butts, but it only serves to regulate something that is little more than a brawl. It`s would be an exaggeration to say that I was sickened by this display; there are far more grotesque things in the world worthy of my bile. In comparison, Cage Rage is merely a waste of time. Quite frankly, I am more bothered by the fact that there is an audience for this product than the blood sport itself.

Fortunately it can`t be that much of an audience if half the seats in the arena were empty. I also feel sorry for Richard Blackwood (now there`s a sentence I never thought I`d type) presenting this material. I`m sure this isn`t the career path he envisaged. He seems like the poor man`s Craig Charles, the guy who couldn`t get the Robot Wars gig and had to settle for this instead. This disc is ideal for those who want to see a bit of posturing before the combatants get down to battering each other.

But if this thing actually appeals to you, let me save you some money. Instead of buying this disc, I suggest you pop down your local on a Friday night around closing time. I`m sure that someone will soon oblige you with a show. And for a bonus, if you spill enough pints, you`ll be invited to participate.