Review of Shelter From The Storm: A Concert For The Gulf Coast

Introduction

Oh, the altruistic motives of the A-listers. When they`re not helping old women to cross the road or working the night shift in a Barnardo`s store, they`re snorting free trade cocaine and giving a ten dollar tip to their cleaning lady for `just being there`. One presumes that, if a horrific natural disaster like Hurricane Katrina were to occur, then these celebrities would drop all that menial paid work and party lifestyle just to put a bit back. Well, yes, of course they would - Haven`t you read what I`ve just written?

If I sound too sarcastic for my own good, then that`s because 1 hour (60 minutes / 3600 seconds) of my life have just been lost to `Shelter from the storm`; one of the most excruciating DVDs I have ever had the misfortune to watch. From Randy Newman`s rendition of `Louisiana 1927` right through to Dr John`s nauseatingly dull `plinky-plonking`, there is not a moment that goes by without your finger hovering over the `stop button` like a digit possessed

Thankfully for all you lucky, lucky people, I have endured the torment of the Disc so that good-natured and vibrant youngsters like yourselves don`t have to. The petition for sainthood starts here.

Pulling together a myriad of stars so bland and inoffensive that Mary Whitehouse would have called them `good old fashioned family fun`, the simulcast US-Telethon was a Salvation Army / Red Cross fundraiser to help the victims of the New Orleans floods get aid quick. That the organisers decided torture akin to Camp X-ray methods would be required should be indicative of the perceived impression of America`s reluctance to part with its dollars.

Of course, that`s all a load of rubbish - we know that. The American public`s generosity in the wake of the Asian Tsunami was every bit as great as any other nation`s, and did their founding fathers proud. Which still leaves me non-the-wiser as to why the `make them stop list` of performers (including Sheryl Crow, Paul Simon, Rod Stewart, Mariah Carey and Garth Brooks) were asked to play instead of, for example, `good` people.

Maybe they were all washing their hair.

Video

Dull as dishwater. This is, without doubt, the most boring DVD that has ever been seen by man, animal or vegetable. There are real-time `badger-cam` videos with more stimulating visuals than those on display here, and the exclusion of artist/song title info during the presentation is either incredible lazy or incredibly pretentious.

Audio

The audio is perfectly good quality in terms of the technical aspects - all crisp and fine in Dolby 2.0 etc.

Unfortunately, with the possible exception of the Foo Fighters` contribution, itself sub standard (well, what would you expect from the past decades` `Ringo`s Allstars?`), the songs themselves are almost exclusively self indulgent twaddle.

Features

None.

Conclusion

There are only 3 seconds of real entertainment on this release; those being when Chris Rock pays `homage` to Kanye West`s well informed outbursts by proclaiming that `George Bush hates midgets`. Bearing that in mind, Instead of wasting this space delving further into the reasons why this DVD is so appalling, I have decided to be more constructive with the words that `DVD Reviewer` have given me.

The disc itself costs £9.99, with around £2 going to the Salvation Army and Red Cross, meaning that a whole £8 are non-charitable (non tax-deductible) losses. However, don`t panic, there are three ways to benefit charity without ever having to live the nightmare that is watching `Shelter from the storm`:

1. Pay direct
Get yourself down to www.salvationarmy.com or www.redcross.org, and give £3.00 or more, safe in the knowledge that you have donated more money than you would`ve if you had bought the DVD!

2. Do you really need 3 versions of the same movie?
Ok, you`ve got all the cinema `Lord of the Rings` movies, but then you bought the far superior Extended editions. Similarly, for some reason you bought the 4-disc titanic `Titanic` recently and still have the old one. Three words - `Give `em away`. Go down to your local charity shop and hand your unwanted DVDs to Glenda over the counter, at which point you`ll be greeted with a big `Thanks dear`.
Note: It is permissible to walk out of said shop with a big smug smile on your face.

3. Live Aid
Not to be confused with its withered cousin `Live 8`. If you don`t already own it, go out (or log on) and get yourself a copy of the greatest charity benefit gig there has ever and WILL ever be - worth the purchase price for Queen alone.