Page 1 of Really rude jokes

Anyone got really rude and funny jokes.

Why does Rupert the Bear wear yellow checked trousers?

Cos he`s a twat.


How many nuns does it take to tile a roof?

Depends on how thin you slice them.


knock, Knock,
Who`s there?
Salvador Dali
Salvador Dali who?
The lobster

Two old ladies sitting on a park bench, two old guys spot them.
"Ere, bert, I dare you to streak past old Beryl and ethel there"
"What`, you mean in the altogether?"
"Well, you`re not getting any younger" So Bert takes up the challenge and removes his clothing, arranging them neatly in a pile, before arthritically moping past the two old dears with all his might, his tired old todger flapping in the breeze.
Beryl turns to Ethel;
"Ere, did you see that?"
"Yes I did"
"What was it?"
"I dunno, but it needed ironing"

That last joke reminds me of a similar one, that goes a little something like this.......

2 old ladies are sitting in a park feeding the birds, when all of a sudden....a naked young man runs past them, streaking into view.

One of the elderly ladies had a stroke.......but the other one couldnt reach.....

Why should you never buy Russian underpants?

Because Chernobyl fall out.

rofl Blazingmonga

What do you call a Russian Prostitute?

Onyabakyabitch

What do you call a Russian Guy with three testicles?

Oodyanikabolokov

Whats the difference between going down on a woman and a traffic cop?



When you go down on a woman you can see the c**t behind the bush.

Harry answers the telephone, and it`s a hospital doctor.
The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What`s the good news?" The doctor says, "I`m kidding. She`s dead."


A girl goes up to her father one night and says, "Dad, can I use your car tonight?" Her father looks at her thoughtfully and says, "Sure, if you give me a blowjob."
So the girl kneels down and puts his penis in her mouth and almost immediately spits it back out. "Your penis tastes like s*** !" she cries.
"Oh yeah," her father replied, "I forgot I loaned the car to your brother tonight."

:o)

K

This item was edited on Sunday, 15th September 2002, 20:48

How would you like to be an egg?
>You only get laid once.
>You only get eaten once.
>It takes four minutes to get hard.
>Only two minutes to get soft.
>You share your box with 11 other guys
But worst of all.....
>the only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother!!!

So cheer up, Your life ain`t that bad!!!!

Pass it around to someone who you feel can use a good lay,

I mean day!!!!!

PS Wasn`t there that chinese bloke with uneven testicles? Wan Hung Lo

Kayenta - the first joke is normally longer, going into more detail, such as his wife will let out bloody discharges and constantly weep puss etc. before the doctor says she`s dead. Mind you, they`re pretty funny either way...