Page 1 of Do you ever feel you don`t really belong where you`re living now ?

My family and I left SE London just over 14 years ago to live in a small village in NE Wales. Although it`s quite a long time ago, I sometimes feel we don`t "really belong". The people up here are friendly enough, but it`s still not the same and although I don`t miss London, I still feel my "roots" are somewhere in the Sunny South. Maybe it`s because we`ve left life-long friends behind or just me being maudlin and having a touch of the "blues". Wonder if anyone else gets this sentimental ?

JohnF

I`m sure everyone feels that way mate. I`m living in SE London right at this very moment, and come from South Wales (although have lived there, Yorkhire, and London at various times in my life). I certainly don`t `belong` here though, and would find it very, very difficult to carry on living here if I didn`t have friends in London as well. As for making friends up there, I`m sure us Welsh really aren`t that difficult to get on with....anyway, after 14 years I`m sure you`ve made the effort to get to know people.

My family and I (wife, 2 girls & a boy on the way in 8wks) have been living in South Devon for exactly 3mths now. We moved here from Wallington, Surrey (London Borough of Sutton really) (a) because we wanted somewhere "nice" to bring the children up and (b) to take advantage of the property market - we sold our 2 bed terrace and bought a 4 bed semi and still had change left.

I can safely say that I have no regrets at all. We have our choice of beaches 10mins drive away, I go mackerel fishing twice a week and we eat what I catch, we take the dog up on Dartmoor, the girls & I go rockpooling on a Saturday afternoons (they`re 4 & 2 so love it), my wife`s uncle and aunt live 5mins drive away so the wrench has not been as hard and so far we have had precious few weekends to ourselves as all our family and friends are keen to visit. It may still be the honeymoon period but we love it.

The only downside is that I left the job I had when we lived in Surrey 3wks ago and the IT market seems quiet - I haven`t found anything yet but it`s not panic-stations yet.

As far as fitting in goes - everyone down here is from the Home Counties!!! That might be a bit of a generalisation - I`ve just watched ManU v Arsenal in a pub and that was full of strong accents (and Burberry caps - you know the type - I kept my head down ;) !!)

Right now I fail to see how anyone who has moved from London to anywhere more `idyllic` could EVER hanker after the concrete again but maybe my views will change with time.

julianf

Know what you mean. Although I wasn`t forced to, we moved up here on job relocation and I always said I would retire to the country. As I said previously, I don`t miss London at all, but this "not belonging" feeling, it`s something I can`t quite put my finger on. We do have friends up here, but they`re not friends you`ve known since primary school, ( a very very long time in my case ). I dunno, maybe the "grass is always greener etc..."

JohnF

I always feel that way!

I was born in Brighton but moved down to Dorchester, Dorset when I was 3... I never felt I belonged down there (actually I never felt right when I was in my own house either, can you actually feel like you don`t belong with your own family?)
Then in 1997 we all moved back to Brighton and I`ve felt all along that I don`t belong here either!
I actually have to go out every night because I can`t stand spending time with my family (it may sound horrible but we never have any sort of conversation and everything my mother does p***es me off so much)

Hopefully though I`ll be able to pay all my debts off next year and then I`ll be outta here... I`m going straight to America for a 3 month (14,000 mile) road trip, just me on my own trying to find myself and figure my life out before it`s too late!

Sounds an idyllic life Julian......the `grass is greener` vibe is partly true I reckon.We all have an idea of how we`d like to live.Few are brave enough to see the dream through.
I don`t find the English to be that flexible when it comes to someone wanting to live a little differently.It`s great if u work 9-5,like mowing your lawn every Sunday,wash your car every Saturday etc etc............but if you veer out of this even slightly u are viewed suspisciously and become a victim of gossip etc.
My sister has just moved to France and has found it a breath of fresh air.U are allowed to life as u please with far less attention payed to minutiae such as having your house immaculate at all times......
London might be more cosmopolitan and therefore more accepting?.....but I`ve lived in several other parts of the UK and found them all to be similar......slightly anal......

That must be somewhat of a generalisation elephant. There are a few of us "non-conformists" around. Before I took early retirement, I worked shifts. Not only was the money better, it suited me because I couldn`t stand the typical suburbia 9-5 regime. As you said, wash the car, mow the lawn, all done to a strict routine. Agree, with your comment about "minutiae", life`s too short to worry about whether or not your windows are gleaming or there`s a speck of dust on the sideboard.

JohnF

Elephant - all I need to do is get a job and it will be idyllic...

Like I said before, the IT scene seems quiet down here, I may have to end up commuting to Bristol to be able to earn the money...

Something JohnF has just said has caught my eye though - shift-work=more pay...to be honest I don`t care WHAT I do, as long as I can earn what I need to. I`d work nights/change career if it means working relatively near home (30minute commute?)...any ideas of jobs that can earn you up to £100 a day/shift? As long as I can take £1700-2000 a month home I`m happy...

julianf

Aye...didn`t mean offence by anything...I doubt anyone lives an `idyllic` lifestyle.Everyone has probs of one sort or another.Just meant it in very general terms.Girlfriend and I have moved to a rural area with no one of our age neighbouring.U cannot move without gossip going around and net curtains twitching.I thought we`d feel free and relaxed out here but it isn`t working like that.

We have been living in an estate in central London for 13 years.Now, when one speaks of cosmopolitan life, I seriously believe that this average sized strip of an estate got lost somewhere in the world of rural oblivion circa Jane Austen era. Here, any slight inclinations to be different from everyone else is viewed with utter scorn! Their contempt is brazenly obvious and thus is shown with whispering, knowing nods and winks and the occasional suppressed sn*****s when I walk through the piazza. I do not wear flesh revealing clothing and I don`t don pearcings or tattoos, the fact that I have the courage to make a firm stand in maintaining my independance is seen as a violation on everything they represent i.e brainless, boring ciphers who share a single brainstem between them!Believe me, if we had the money, we would have been out of here like a shot.We have our hearts set on settling down in the countryside or in a coastal environment, we wholeheartedly believe that we will have the peace we have been longing for in the latter two areas.

Marie(Dave`s wife)