Page 1 of What`s the first words you say to your daughter you haven`t seen for 15 years???

Me and ex had a daughter 16 years ago.

Ex went off with someone else (hence the ex).

Ex and new partner moved away to stop me seeing daughter. Yes, they were vindictive that way!

None of her family would tell me where they had moved to either. Yes, they too were vindictive that way and, played a big part in us splitting up.

I eventually got on with my life, a few more failed relationships as I trusted no women, then met the woman I am with today. We now have children.

Anyway, I registered with 'genes reunited' on the off chance my daughter is told who I am and ever decides to look for me. (I am on her birth certificate and she has my surname)

The other day, I was updating my listing and discovered my daughter has made a listing too. Only she uses the surname of the man her mother went off with. Her listing only contains hers and her mother's name, no one elses.

I am now undecided as to what, if anything I should say as I can only communicate through 'genes reunited' messages.

What if I contact her and she hasn't been told about me?

This needs a lot of thought and any help on this would be much appreciated.

I have a young friend of 15 who is on the other side of a situation like this - she would love her biological father to contact her - but is too afraid to contact him in case he rejects her (unfortunately likely) or his new children don`t know about her and it causes trouble. :( Heartbreaking situation as is yours. Maybe contact her mother through the site and say you would like to contact your daughter? That would avoid her blowing up and it being a surprise for your daughter but it is of course risky...

Or go for it - but I can understand how difficult it could turn out to be for both of you; but at least you`d have made contact and she *is* 16.

Wishing you both all the best.

--

www.soundalikes.com/

tgtbt :)

The only advice I could give would be to contact your local council. They may be able to put you in touch with one of those mediary/mediation groups that specialise in this type of scenario. Far better to deal with it this way than have a vindictive ex-spouse throw a spanner in to the works and cause grief for you and your daughter.
I know it is not much help but that is all I could possibly advise.

That said, and this is purely from the heart, I would contact her and to phuq (That OK mods :) ) with your ex-spouse.

Ian

Go for it. I have a 3 year old Daughter and if she was taken away from me i would die. You only get 1 chance at this kind of thing and you have been given a second chance, so take it. As she is also on the site you mentioned i would asume she is hoping that you will show up. It will be hard. i met my brother 2 years ago after 20 years. I only ever remembered him as a baby. It was strange but we where very similar. He also really looked like our dad. I must admit the we havn`t spoke since but i am glad i met up with him.

The Jackal

I am in a similar situation. I have never known my father as he and my mum had an affair (i think, i have never actually asked her because it hasn`t really bothered me that much) but a while ago on friends reunited i discovered him on there as i knew which school he went to. His profile says a lot, including the fact he has 2 kids one a year older than me and one a couple of years younger (reinforcing the fact i think my parents had an affair). I occasionally wonder if i should get in contact, but tbh i don`t even know if he knows i exist, the on,y way to find out is to ask mum and i would feel really uncomfortable discussing it with her. For know it waits, but i have often wondered how i would start the email :/

In your situation, i would say go for it, as the fact she is on genes reunited would seem to indicate she wants to be in touch with you.



The Bigman Cometh

Quote:
His profile says a lot, including the fact he has 2 kids one a year older than me and one a couple of years younger (reinforcing the fact i think my parents had an affair).

Your fathers eldest child could be his partners from a previous relationship, as my eldest is. You just never know!

Quote:
the fact she is on genes reunited would seem to indicate she wants to be in touch with you.

I thought the same!

Think I`ll just say `Hello`, then see what happens.

This item was edited on Friday, 21st October 2005, 22:45

My God, what a horrible position to be in. I can`t offer any advice at all but wish you the best of ... well anything in whatever you decide to do. I have to say though, I would echo the earlier comments re "you only get one go at this". Your situation does have the potential to go to Hell, but, if you don`t make contact, is life worth living full of what ifs, I wonder ifs, if onlys etc. Tough call & I really don`t envy your situation. As you now have kids, (as do I) you certainly don`t need me to tell you what life would be like if you always had to wonder what it would be like never being able to hug , comfort or just talk to your littluns.
Best of luck to you & her, I hope the result is what suits you both.

You registered with 'genes reunited' your long lost daughter I registered with 'genes reunited' ......Now lets think why that was...........................................
...Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Just get in touch with the kid it`s been to long... .............

Also do not and I mean do not slag her mother off.....................

I sincerly hope it works out for you.

Go for it bud !

I met 2, yes 2 apparently 3 but my dad says it`s only 2 half brothers which I never knew existed (same dads) over 10 years ago !I knew my dad was a bit of lad being in Navy and that but looking back there was a few subtle hints .... But it`s great, the only thing is was that we didn`t grow up together , which is shame .
One of my half brothers shares the same name , bit spooky but it`s cool ! :D

I got married recently and when the person said "do you Andrew James cooper take thee blah blah " my brother said to me after that " that was a bit strange "

As for my brother/s we`re very similar even if there is a bit of an age gap (11 years, I`m little bro )

I hope it all works out for you and your daughter , Catch up on some lost time ! :D


Coops

sorry to shout but DO IT AND DO IT NOW she must have been told you exist or why else register on a site for this type of thing all the best pal DO IT