Page 1 of Wednesday funny

It made me laugh anyway............

After getting all of Pope Benedict`s luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn`t travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.

"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat in the back so we can leave?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I`d really like to drive today."
"I`m sorry but I cannot let you do that. I`d lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he`d never gone to work that morning.
"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

" Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear a police siren. "Oh, dear God, I`m gonna lose my license," moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he`s stopped a limo going 105 mph.
"So bust him," says the Chief.
"I don`t think we want to do that, he`s really important," says the cop.
The Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason!"
"No, I mean really important," said the cop.
The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
Chief: "Governor?"
Cop: "Bigger."
"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"
Cop: "I think it`s God!"
Chief: "What makes you think it`s God?"
Cop: "He`s got the f***ing Pope as a chauffeur!!

LB2

LOL, like it

SHEPHERDS PIEEEEEEEE
Y.N.W.A
"TIGHT"

Very good.

"It`s alleged that one of the Portuguese football players failed a drugs and
alcohol test after the match. If this is confirmed as positive, under FIFA
rules, paragraph 6 sub section 2e, Portugal will forfeit the quarter final match and England will play France in the Semi Final on Wednesday."


Scroll down for the full transcript of this report.
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Carlsberg do not send email forwards, but if they did they would probably be the best in the world.


T¦M3CH4S3R

"I am worst at what I do the best, for this gift I feel blessed. I found it hard... it was hard to find. Oh well, Whatever! NEVERMIND"

ok here is another

A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Iraqi desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.

He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there.

The nervous sergeant said, "Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have "urges". That`s why we have Molly the Camel."

The Captain says, "I can`t say that I condone this, but I understand about "urges", so the camel can stay."

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own "urges".

Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.

Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel. When he`s d one, he asks the Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"

"No, not really, sir... They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are."



The Jackal

Ok, I know someone will take this the wrong way.

What do you call a black man flying a plain?
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A Pilot, you racist twat.

Dr 42%er.


It`s not easy being different. It`s not easy being cool....but somehow I manage....