Page 1 of Nursery Rhymes... not for the children!

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
Pies, you d!ckhead.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
said "F*** him, He`s only an egg.

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it`s ass
and turned it`s wool to nylon

Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her Thighs
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front
....but she didn`t wear that one very often.

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie.
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too, cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill
And now there`s little Franky.

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over
Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own




`I am going to live forever, or die trying`...

It`s Judge Dread!

Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard,
To get the postman a letter,
When she got there, the cupboard was bare,
So they had it without! It was better.

Mary had a little lamb
`twas full of fun and frolics
And every time the music played
She kicked it in the earhole


Jack and Jill went up the hill
There was no-one in the vicinity
Jack came down less half-a-crown
And Jill less her virginity

Sing a song of sixpence, a pocketful of Rye,
Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie,
When the pie was opened, a shrivelled blackbird spat,
"Oh! come on lads, a joke`s a joke, what rotten sod did that?"

Mary had a little watch,
She swallowed it one day.
The doctor gave her Ex-Lax
To pass the time away.
Mary took the Ex-Lax,
But the time it would not pass,
So if you want to know the time,
You can look up Mary`s aunt, who has a watch too.

Snaps

Quote:
Jack and Jill went up the hill
There was no-one in the vicinity
Jack came down less half-a-crown
And Jill less her virginity

I read that that`s what the real nursery rhyme is actually warning against. Now why would Jack and Jill go *up* a hill to get water - unless it was a feeble excuse!

--

www.soundalikes.com/

Little Boy Blue... he needed the money.

Ahhhhh, Andrew Dice Clay where are you now?

Mary had a little lamb
she also had a duck
she put them on the sofa
to see if they would play nice for 10 minutes

All the best

Ger.

This item was edited on Tuesday, 22nd November 2005, 20:57

Mary had a little lamb
but couldn`t stop it grunting
she took it down the garden path
and kicked it`s f****** c*** in.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water
Jack refused wear a blob/ jill forgot to take the pill/ f*** knows what they did up there
But now they have a daughter